One of those days…

Today was not a good day.

Pain Score: 8.5/10. I’d never give it a 10. 10 is reserved for the day I’m being chewed to pieces by a shark…and thankfully…that isn’t today. 

But what can you do? You just have to make it though. There isn’t anyway to tell when it will ease, so you breathe slow, make it through a minute, then an hour, and eventually a whole day. At times like these, 60 seconds feels like a lifetime, and the thought of feeling it for 24 hours is unbearable. This is what chronic pain looks like. You live with it, it is a part of you – it doesn’t leave – just varys from day to day. I don’t usually let it beat me, but sometimes the little bastard creeps up from behind & wins the days battle. Git. So you take another pill, prop yourself up with cushions, and try to think of happy things.

I tried it all today. I thought of booking a last minute trip to Ibiza…That island always takes the edge off somehow…then got sad as I knew I wouldn’t be able to fly like this. I watched funny programmes on TV, then got frustrated because nothing made me laugh. I tried to read but the words swam in front of my eyes, thanks to my best buddy, morphine. I couldn’t even get interested in any shopping – definitely a bad sign….

Can’t even sleep when it’s this bad. Nothing to do but wait it out, and know that it won’t kill me. Have filled myself up with meds, heaps of lemon and sugar pancakes and am cuddled up in bed with my favourite song and the puppy…who’s snoring.

Hospital again tomorrow.

Stop please driver. I want to get off….

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~ by This Little Lady on April 28, 2009.

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