A change is gonna come…

http://www.flickr.com/photos/schneeblerspicer/3660441001/I love life, I really do. I have the best set of friends you could wish for…they’re kooky, intelligent, dramatic, funny, generous, honest…and they’re always there. I have The Boy, whose love and patience I’m thankful for every day. I am privileged enough to live in a gorgeous apartment by the river, with views across fields and farmyards…and I get to see the world and do fabulous things whenever I feel the urge.

All pretty fabulous huh?

If only I had a body that worked everything would be pretty freaking perfect.

I’m naturally a very positive person…after all it’s not usually that difficult…I just have to see someone laughing & I’m reminded how beautiul life really is. I count my blessings and realise just how lucky I’ve been to get so much out of life. But lately, my brokenness and nothingness have been bringing me down. I miss the warm fuzzy feelings that go along with achievement. I miss getting things done despite the odds. I miss being good at what I do. I miss living a good life.

But even on my darkest days I refuse to believe that I’m damaged beyond repair. So I’ve decided its time to try & do something about it.

“Life can either be accepted or changedIf it is not accepted, it must be changedIf it cannot be changedthen it must be accepted.” Unknown

OK, so there are some parts I might have to accept. Like the fact that its highly likely I’ll hurt for the rest of my life. That I’m not well enough to go back and do a “normal” 9-5 job. That the Doctors can’t magically fix me. And that my days of wild partying every night are well and truly over – its just too painful!

But I refuse to believe that this is the best it’s going to get.

I’m going to get myself back into the real world somehow, even if step one is completed right here in bed office. Just because that trampy car thief ruined my bones and muscles he doesn’t have the right to bugger everything else up for me too.

So, despite the numerous operations I’m always waiting for, and the Doctors delivering bad news like newspapers…despite the mountains of medication & the bloody crappy days I can hardly move…I’m going to do my best to pull myself out of this swamp and do something for me.

Love to Write... (image by steffilynn)I’m going to look into becoming a freelance writer!

I know its highly competitive out there, and that I’ve never done anything like this before. I know I get tired easily and that some days it’s a challenge to pull myself out of the house. I know it is certanly not going to be easy.

But I also know I love writing, always have. And I know that I will feel better about myself, and life, if I have a genuine goal and reason to be motivated each day.

I know that I’m not ready to accept being on the rubbish heap….so I must change it.

It won’t be overnight. It will be a slow process, involving research, preparation, lists, spreadsheets (I heart spreadsheets!), advice, determination, strength and struggles. I might not be very good at it. Hell, I might be rubbish at it! But the important thing is I give it a go.

So whatever it takes, I’ll get myself to a place where I can say I gave it my best. If I set my mind to something, I usually get what I want….and I want this.

If any of you lovely lot have any suggestions, tips, recommendations or ideas for me, please get in touch. I don’t know where to start or how many weeks/months/years it’ll take to get there, but I’d rather have something to aim for rather than waiting to fade away.

Wish me luck!

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~ by This Little Lady on July 31, 2009.

3 Responses to “A change is gonna come…”

  1. What a fantastic message. This is massively what I needed to read right now before I go into hospital tomorrow for a minorish procedure (that promises to be majorly painful – bring on the drugs!).
    I too have a body that doesn’t work properly, which is rubbish. But hey, what can you do other than face things with positivity, as you are?!
    Do you have much of a background in writing? If not, the first bit of advice is to get experience – write everywhere and anywhere asking for work ex. It will help you to know if it’s really right for you (and I’m sure it will be) and help build up those cuttings. What kind of writing are you looking to do? If I can help at all just drop me a line. Lx

  2. Although it’s late, i have to add that your blog really does inspire me. Without wanting to come off all weirdy mac weirderson and mushy, i get wrapped up in my life silly crap way too easily and you are constantly giving me a view to bloody change ME because i bloody well can. You’re truly an inspiration little lady even if you don’t always feel like it…Thank you m’dear 😉

  3. Thank you both so much. Can’t tell you how much it means to get positive comments like this. Life is tough but we should make the best of every day…

    Luck & Love to both of you xxx

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